mariliisa: (sunset)
When I was younger I used to think that smart girls don't follow fashion and shouldn't give a f*ck about their looks. Somehow I felt like that if you have the brains, you don't need to wear pretty clothes or much make-up etc. I admit I was quite an elitist as well as I was trying to justify my uneasiness.

You see, many pretty girls were mean to me when I was a teenager, they used to bully me for my looks and my awkward personality, which made me feel quite uncomfortable in my skin. And I wanted to prove them I was better than them, I was better than to follow fashion, go to the trendy clubs or wear clothes from the stores they shopped in. Not to mention I hadn't had a hair cut for years (can you imagine all that damaged hair? It looked awful and it made me look even more unhealthy combined with my very bad skin condition, constant panda eyes and slightly overweight shape.)

In secred, I would have loved to look nice. My style, the one I had in my had, the one I secretly admired didn't fit with these girls' style at all - they wore the clothes you can see in fashion magazines while I was more into the punk, rock, goth, metal and grunge styles. However, I almost never dared to experiment with them. I only wore these kinds of clothes when I was sure no classmate would see me, because I was afraid they would mock me. So I wore lame clothes for school, clothes I didn't actually like, but I convinced myself (or at least tried to) that smart girls didn't need fashion or style. I even hated to be called pretty back then. 

I experimented with nail polish and make up in my room, in secret, almost never dared to wear them to school, except for some very rare occasions, and my hair was a constant mess.

Years passed and I grew up. I graduated high school, I went to university, I made real friends and I slowly but surely started feeling more and more comfortable in my skin. Nowadays I wear whatever I like, I don't care about people's opinion, only my own comfort matters to me (I know I'm not even close to being beautiful by today's standards, but I'm feeling comfortable in my own skin), and most importantly, I don't judge girls who follow fashion anymore. If I see a smart girl, or dare I say, a young woman with a doctorate degree dressed up nicely, wearing pretty make-up, I don't judge her anymore. Because it's perfectly fine for a beautiful girl to be smart, and it's perfectly fine for a smart girl to be beautiful. No one needs to look like some horror movie character to have the brains.

June 2015

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